Mania, Overthinking, and Costa Rica
I’ve had a bad spell of overthinking lately. It’s related to a bad hypomanic episode that I had lately. I had it in my head that my husband and I needed to move to Costa Rica. Of that I was sure. (Why Costa Rica? Of that I wasn’t sure.) What I couldn’t decide was whether we needed to go to Costa Rica for a week or two to scope out arrangements before we took the proverbial plunge.
At first, I had been exploring whether there was any real estate for rent at a reasonable price in or near the town of Grecia, which I had somehow fixated on. (Why Grecia? Again, not a clue. That’s about the last thing I’d need to decide and arrange for if we were to move.) I was researching the cost of living, the health care system, and the cuisine. I was practicing in my head the Spanish that remained from my high school days, supplemented by “essential phrases” that were listed online. I looked up what papers were needed and how long you could stay on a temporary visa. I checked on whether we could bring our cat.
It kept me awake at night. After I take my nighttime meds, I usually read for about a half hour before I shut down my brain and try to sleep at night. But I had no such luck. The arrangements, the language, and the travel all occupied my thoughts. I would give up on sleeping, try reading for another half hour. Then the cycle would start all over. For the first time in a long time, I need sleeping pills — the 10 mg. ones. Even then, sleep didn’t come easy.
My husband pointed out that maybe it would be better if we went to Costa Rica for a week or two to see how we liked it before we made the move. Instantly, my mania switched in a different direction. I began working with a travel consultant on what cities or attractions (in addition to Grecia) we might like to see. Anticipating a chunk of money coming in (another manic fantasy), I researched flights, even selecting flight times and layovers as well as costs. I selected dates, then revised them based on seasonal prices. Again, I couldn’t sleep for running over the arrangements in my head.
At last the mania and the planning eased off. The fantasy funding fell through, as I should have realized it would. Along with it, my mania retreated and my overthinking stopped — at least for the time being. My overthinking backed off too, at least on the subject of Costa Rica. Now, what I have to overthink is my writing assignments, which seem to have multiplied while I wasn’t looking. I’ll make money, but not enough to get me to Costa Rica.
At any rate, I’m happy to say that I’m back to where I was before the mania and the overthinking — back to sleeping without sleeping pills, anyway. Now all I have to overthink, besides the writing, is our upcoming trip to Florida, which provides plenty of fodder. I’ve prearranged everything I can think of, but I’m sure there’s something that I’ve forgotten or that is completely out of my control. And I hate that feeling. It leads to other things that are out of control, like thinking and mania.
