Meeting Our Shadow Selves
You may have heard of the “Shadow Self” or “Shadow Work.” But what does this mean? And is it related to bipolar disorder?
The Shadow Self has been described as the Mr. Hyde to a person’s ordinary Dr. Jekyll. It’s made up of all the parts of ourselves that we want to deny or keep suppressed — our baser impulses, uncivilized or unacceptable emotions, self-talk, beliefs, and antisocial traits that lurk somewhere within our psyches. We all have them. But we hardly ever try to get in touch with our Shadow Self or know what to do about it if we’re aware of those traits and impulses.
According to Carl Jung, the Shadow Self develops from unprocessed childhood events. It also arises when someone internalizes messages they get from family, friends, or society regarding what is acceptable and unacceptable. A person can project their repressed traits onto other people. For example, if you look down on someone because they express rage, there may be rage hidden within your Shadow Self. Or a person may have the belief that being assertive is actually selfish and may be pushed around because of that. They repress a feeling of resentment and feel guilty that they are resentful.
My Shadow Self includes any number of unpleasant aspects. I own that I am obsessive, insecure, and unforgiving. These and other shadow traits result in perfectionism, fear of failure, and self-sabotaging behavior. No doubt there are parts of my Shadow Self that I haven’t recognized yet, or don’t want to.
Of course, some of my shadow traits are almost certainly caused by messages that I haven’t addressed yet. For example, I think my perfectionism was caused by messages I received that making mistakes equaled being bad, something I didn’t want to do. It wasn’t fear of being punished; it was because I didn’t want to be a bad person like some of my relatives who made mistakes involving sex and alcohol.
The Shadow Self isn’t universally bad. It’s a part of everyone. It’s possible to channel the Shadow Self in constructive ways. Million-selling mystery author Sue Grafton referred to hers as “She Who Writes.” Her protagonist was far from a perfect human being, being occasionally given to lying, ignoring rules, and Looking down on others’ faults. Grafton thought she was able to write the character because of her own less-than-noble impulses. It made her detective a flawed human being, but one that readers could sympathize with and, perhaps, see themselves in.
If you try to deny or repress your Shadow Self, it continues to affect you negatively without your knowledge. Identifying it through “Shadow Work” can result in self-acceptance and growth. Therapy is one way to deal with the Shadow Self, though those words may not be used. Trying to do Shadow Work by yourself is also possible, though the help of a therapist may increase your ability to work through difficult emotions like shame and fear. Therapy may include journaling, meditation, artistic expression, and inner dialogue and can help you understand and integrate your shadow traits into your conscious mind. Patience, keeping an open mind, practicing self-compassion, dedicating time to Shadow Work, and reflecting on your progress will help you with the process.
Or help me. I don’t have a therapist at the moment, so if I try to do Shadow Work, I’ll be on my own with it. I don’t know whether I’m brave enough. It’s something I need to consider, though.
